11 May 2012
by Isadora Dahlenin Amazing Women, Life Moments
I thought it would be appropriate to share this list for Mother’s Day. This is how my mom talked to me, growing up in the 1950′s and 1960′s. Her intimidation tactics didn’t scare me, though she had a strong influence over me. I wasn’t the easiest kid to live with and I know I tried her patience. I don’t think moms speak to their kids like this anymore–at least I hope not. I hope some of you can relate to the life lessons your mom taught you. I could especially relate to #5, #7 and #11.
What I Owe My Mother by Susan McCullough-Bethel
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. ‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. ‘You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.’
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. ‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ‘Because I said so, that’s why.’
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. ‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’
7. My mother taught me IRONY. ‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. ‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. ‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. ‘You’ll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.’
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. ‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. ‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. ‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out.’
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. ‘Stop acting like your father!’
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. ‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. ‘Just wait until we get home.’
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. ‘You are going to get it when you get home!’
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. ‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.’
19. My mother taught me ESP. ‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. ‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. ‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. ‘You’re just like your father.’
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. ‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn.’
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. ‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. ‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.’
Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere!
30 Apr 2012
by Isadora Dahlenin Beauty, Empowerment
Have you ever done something that you were resistant to or that scared you? That was me, a few weeks ago. I went to my regularly scheduled hair appointment, not expecting to walk out looking like I did. I casually mentioned that I was thinking about cutting my hair short. Kerry looked at me with a gleam in her eye and a big smile on her face and said, “Do you want to? I think you’d look great.”
I nodded, “Let’s go for it.” And we did. 
Do you know when you sometimes make a snap decision and no there’s turning back? The next thing I knew, Kerry was working like a creative mad women, as I watched my curly locks fall away. My hair was now a cute one inch “do.” Short, very short. It felt wonderful and freeing. When I looked in the mirror, I looked completely different—I felt like a new, younger version of myself. I’d been thinking about it for the past year and it just felt like the right thing to do in the moment.
I often hear women complaining about their hair. I was one of them. I had a big attachment to my shoulder length curls and spent way too much time worrying about how they looked. Now it literally takes me one minute to do my hair.
I decided to relax and let go of the confined view of myself. I’ve opened up, choosing to wear different styles of clothing and colors that I’ve never worn before. The last pair of reading glasses I bought was red—which wasn’t me at all—in the past. I think we all can get stuck in our circle of style comfort.
Many women fall into a time warp and their hairstyles reflect it. My mom wore her hair in an a-la-50’s style bubble cut all her life. Funny, my hair now is exactly how I wore it in the late 60’s. I’d gotten mistaken for a boy so often (no pierced ears or makeup at the time), I decided to grow it out–long, wild and loose. After all, it was the 60’s. Forty years later, I’ve changed. Even though I’m back to my old look—it’s really my new look.
Changing your hair or appearance may seem insignificant. It truly might seem like a small thing. But one small change can lead to another and another. Who knows where you’ll end up? Is there anything you want to change in your life? Go ahead and do it and don’t let anyone stop you.
25 Apr 2012
by Isadora Dahlenin Amazing Women, Gratitude
Today I am acknowledging all the secretaries and administrative assistants who have ever lived. Because today is National Secretary’s Day or Administrative Assistant’s Day as it’s been called since 2000. In my opinion, secretaries do run the world. We couldn’t live without them, because they are the backbone of so many businesses. Life is much easier for those who have the advantage of a secretary in their office.
It takes the right kind of person to perform this work–secretaries are special people. They are magicians who get things done quickly and efficiently. They’re resourceful and they find answers, no matter how difficult. They create calm out of chaos. They think on their feet and always come up with solutions. They’re thoughtful and patient and just know what to do. Their accomplishments are quite incredible.
I’ve been a secretary before. My secretarial experience began at the age of eleven, when I worked at my dad’s office. My role was to answer the telephone, do simple office tasks and make coffee. I was delighted to do these things. If my dad was in the bathroom, I was to tell the caller that he was indisposed. So, in my best professional voice, that’s what I said. I didn’t know what indisposed meant, but it sure got some chuckles on the other end.
For several years I worked in numerous secretarial positions. Some jobs were better than others. I was very efficient, except for being the worst typist in the world. I typed 19 words per minute–with mistakes. All my bosses liked how fast and efficient I did the other parts of my job. I was always one step ahead, as I anticipated their every need.
The parts I didn’t like about the job were telling lies for certain bosses (wives and girl friends don’t mix well), doing personal errands for them and being treated like a servant. Having someone snap their fingers to bring them coffee irritated the hell out of me. Gone were the days of my youth, when I was delighted to serve them coffee.
One of my shorter-term secretarial stints was working for an extremely busy law firm. My boss was great to work for, but I often had to help the other secretaries with their workload. I worked with another woman who had a boss-from-hell. She did the work of two people, slaving into the night to keep up. She even came in on Saturdays to catch up and never told her boss. She was the epitome of a martyr. Watching her, was a turning point; I knew the life of a secretary was not for me. And I knew it was time to go when I was asked to make coffee and I’d say to myself, “Make your own damn coffee.”
Most secretaries are women (though there are some men) and without their expertise–offices, schools, hospitals and businesses of all kinds would not run smoothly. They’re the oil that keeps the machinery running on daily basis; as they handle problems, keep the schedule moving forward, anticipate what needs to be done; all by being incredibly efficient multi-taskers. As Anthony J. A’Angelo says, “Always be nice to secretaries. They are the real gatekeepers in the world.”
Secretaries accomplishments amaze me. I don’t think they always get all the appreciation they deserve. So if you know someone who is, or has been a secretary or administrative assistant, call them and congratulate them on their special day.
Now for you bosses…Sure lunch or flowers are great, but that can be awkward. If you’re a boss who really wants to show your appreciation, acknowledge your secretary or assistant often and then write them a note of thanks with a nice check inside. Happy Day to all the secretaries and administrative assistants. You are very much appreciated.
16 Apr 2012
by Isadora Dahlenin Conscious Living, Healing, Self Care
I developed a sty in my eye last week and I’ve never had one before. I knew that my body was talking to me—I wasn’t sure what it was trying to say. If I’m stuck and can’t figure out what’s going on emotionally with myself, I turn to my copy of the book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol Truman.
I often use this great book for myself and my clients. It contains information on how our thoughts, beliefs and emotions are intimately connected with our physical body. I looked up what a sty represented and read about hanging on to feelings of resentment. I was holding on to a resentment and I knew exactly what it was.
As we begin to listen to our bodies more carefully, we’re able to interpret the signals and intervene. Sometimes it takes a big, loud message for us to notice. Do you ignore what your body is telling you? Are you experiencing any chronic physical issues? If so, take a look at the book. It may help you to understand what’s going on emotionally in your life.
I believe our bodies hold memories of every stress, pain and trauma (emotional and physical) that we’ve ever experienced. Sometimes I think that I’ve handled an issue—yet it’s still there, hiding within. I then know, I have a little more work to do.
I could have reacted negatively to this sty, by saying to myself, “This is so terrible, I’m scared that it’s going to get worse, or this is going to take a long time to clear up.” I think our minds create false illusions about ourselves based on our misperceptions, yet we believe them to be true. A young girl might have heard remarks that she was the smart one and her sister was the pretty one. No matter what anyone says, no one can convince her that she was pretty too. Her perception is “I’m not pretty and I never will be.” That is her belief based on her misperception.
I chose to focus completely on healing the sty. I wrote about my feelings of resentment, I blessed my eye frequently every day and visualized my eye completely healed. I believe that my reality is created by what I am thinking, believing and feeling emotionally. So I pay attention to my thoughts, beliefs and emotions.
Have you ever noticed how some people have a big attachment to their pain or illness? They continually say, “I have pain, I am sick, I’ll get cancer because it runs in our family, I’ve always had migraines, or my mother had bad arthritis, so I’m sure I will too.” Reaffirming these thoughts is a sure-fire way to unconsciously keep glued to their chain of beliefs forever. I believe that by holding on to and reinforcing these limiting beliefs, the likelihood of their manifestation increases.
In my experience, whatever I focus on, is what I create. Thoughts and beliefs are powerful and they create my reality. I’m choosing to feel joyful, content and have good health. What thoughts and beliefs are you choosing?
02 Apr 2012
by Isadora Dahlenin Healing, Prison, Writing
I’ve been sad this week; grieving the loss of a great, enthusiastic group of women writers at Perryville Prison. My creative writing class recently ended and I’m already missing my students. They were excited to come to class and learn. They wrote like fiends, turning in innumerable papers for me to read and correct every week.
In the first couple of weeks, so many had doubts they had any creativity or could write at all. Each week they rose to my challenges, giving it their all, as I encouraged them to dig a little deeper.
On our last night together, I had them to fill out an evaluation form. I asked, “What was greatest thing you learned about yourself through your writing?”
Here are several comments I received:
One student wrote, “I learned I am able to write creatively. I always thought I lacked imagination. Wow, was I wrong!” Sometimes our creativity can be quelled at a young age and can lay dormant for long time. At 39 years of age, she came alive and discovered her love of writing.
Another student wrote, “A lot of the writing was challenging and difficult for me. I had to dig deep inside my heart and mind to write about myself like never before.” In the beginning, this student had huge challenges letting her guard down and expressing her feelings. After a month, she found her writing rhythm and wrote some powerful stuff.
One of my most earnest writers wrote, “Through writing, I can release some of my pain and that will help me inside to be free one day.” As a newborn, this woman had been left abandoned in an empty building. Her life was fraught with sexual and emotional abuse since she was a little girl. When I looked in her eyes, I could see the pain and stress of all the emotional damage she had suffered.
This student acted very aloof and disinterested at the beginning of the course. She said, “This class made me think and get in touch with feelings I’ve been pushing down for years.” So many of my students are emotionally closed down. They’re terrified to feel the pain of their past, let alone express it. They pretend to be tough on the outside– inside they’re scared little girls.
Another one of my students was scared to let anyone get close to her, for fear of being hurt again. She said, “Writing made me believe that I will be able to love, and allow myself to be loved.” All of my students have issues feeling worthy and loveable. I can understand that, after learning their stories. Many, not all, never got to experience unconditional love by a parent who could model loving behavior.
One of my best writers was a college-educated woman who shared her feelings about her fears. She wrote, “Finally, writing about my fears after leaving prison put everything in a better perspective for me. I actually came up with a plan; with solutions to some of the problems that existed in my own mind. The obstacles were no longer over-powering to me. Thank you for taking the time to teach us and share your insights. Thank you for caring about us.” This woman came from a good family background, was highly educated and was living by most standards, a successful life. She made some bad decisions, and that got her incarcerated.
Teaching creative writing to a mixed assortment of women inmates has its challenges and rewards. Their educational backgrounds range from 6th grade through college, making my job much more difficult. At times, I had to remember to be patient and meet each student at their level.
By the end of the course, I was delighted by their revelations, their warmth and their appreciation for my guidance and direction. As they left the classroom, laughing and calling out, “Come back soon Isadora, and teach us some more. We want to write!” Hearing those words, made it all worthwhile.
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I thought it would be appropriate to share this list for Mother’s Day. This is how my mom talked to me, growing up in the 1950′s and 1960′s. Her intimidation tactics didn’t scare me, though she had a strong influence over me. I wasn’t the easiest kid to live with and I know I tried her patience. I don’t think moms speak to their kids like this anymore–at least I hope not. I hope some of you can relate to the life lessons your mom taught you. I could especially relate to #5, #7 and #11.
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